I never want to
March 15 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010 / 2:55 AM ♥
I don't know with you but I've recently discovered anger. Yeah I've seen it and maybe I've felt it... but letting it out? I'm a very controlled person... oblivious to dire situations... which makes my reaction quicker than the rest when anticipating and increases my ability to reason effectively. Today, I yelled twice. Twice. Yes it's a big deal. I am easily aggravated and annoyed and have a tendency to fiddle with things, people and etc.. After much thought and embarrassment... I self evaluated. Then I realized it was all because of one thing. Energy. Energy I used to spend on thinking about my special someone Energy I used to spend on thinking when I'll next talk to them Energy I used to spend on thinking ways to be with them. Energy I used to spend on Being with them. Communicating... Making special things... Now They're gone. And I'm left with all this... energy... (well really I should call it obsessive energy) And I have nothing/no one to spend it on. Seriously. This even makes me think that because I'm so obsessive I am virtually incapable of making friendships for fear they will turn into relationships. So I'm alone. Next thing to do when you're miserable. Let it out. I thought if I let my inner thoughts get its way, it will somewhat disappear... Still waiting.... waiting.. waiting.... So they look at me like I'm a depressed, angry, manic, bipolar... And what am I supposed to say? "Hi. Yeah. Get lost I broke up with my ex. And even though its been a year now I'm still not over them so leave me be or I'll kick your ass." So anyway, I found this guy ... He's really random ... and it was an absolute big step. This turned out to be great cause 1) It's next to impossible I'll fall in love with him. 2) No love means no attraction. My first friendship since I broke up. WOoooo! So proud. It lasted two days until everyone decided we were married. So now its back to start. I don't know whether its my fault or is it just cause of high school pressure. Like the center of everything has to be gossips and gossips are either about fights or relationships and they equate to people getting hurt or whatever. That was a mouthful. Cause really I don't care. I know that by the end of this all, I will be back to the normal person I was. I surfed through high school I can surf again. Healing process is just taking way too long. | |
|
Get over you. |
|